Jonker Walk at 12 nn
Credits: Samsung F480

I wish I had another holiday. Even a short getaway for 2 days is more than sufficient for me. Prefably at the pristine beaches of the south east asia peninsula please.

It's a little tough to multitask these days. Heart and soul's not where my physical being is. Tomorrow's the start of the fourth week of school. Monday blues again. Gotta prepare stuff, fit in driving lessons and helping my aunt with itunes stuff :( It's going to be a long week and honestly, I am not ready for it. Three assignments due, napfa test (which I haven't decided which day I shd go), preparing my songs for pnp. It's not much longer till Carissa's poor little heart pops! HAHA!

Ask me why I am blogging instead of doing my other stuff. (digress, my brother is raving over his mafia wars account on facebook right now :Z) I just needed to pen down some thoughts I have. (Isaac is still yelling: I'M RICH... I'M RICH... I'M RICHHHH!!!!!!) Anyway, I'm most thankful I got through last week, but all the hectic stuff starts this week. O Lord my God, I know You are right here holding my hand! ♥

Someone just passed a remark earlier on during dinner saying that Facebook was work. I looked back at him in disbelief and shared a laugh with Sus regarding that matter. Since when Facebook became something we had to do/to work for? It's funny how FB can be so important to us youngsters right now that we have to be logged on 24/7 so that we don't miss any important updates from our friends. That boy tried to defend his point - by naming a game he played on fb - however, playing a game wouldn't exactly be considered work, yes? Haha, that was quite a funny thing that happened earlier on.

Got to see the botak Jem today again. Had brekkie with him, Gab and Dan. It was nice catching up with the older boys in my cg like that. Like a simple meal over a cuppa or tea can also go a long way. This is especially special to me cos my primary love language is quality time, followed by words of affirmation. It really shows how much value these two types of deeds are to me. A simple test to find out your primary love language (adapted from the book by Gary Chapman) It's not 100% accurate, but a good gauge! Do take it if you've got a few minutes to spare! It'd help you understand yourself better and how some others may view you. But best is read the book la! I highly recommend everyone to read "The Five Love Languages" by Dr Gary Chapman!!!!

Anyway if you do take the quiz, do share with me your love language okay? Just leave a tag on my tagboard or message me on msn if you're not comfortable sharing it on the tagboard. Let us help one another understand each other better! :)

In the afternoon after my choir practice, some of us youths helped out with the games for the FUN CAMP that our church organized. It's actually a SAINTS COMMUNITY CAMP, starting today for 3 days, of just learning from each other, playing games and having fun! :) Too bad many of us couldn't participate due to school commitments :S

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Earlier this week, a dear friend told me that I shouldn't be wearing shirts that are quite tight becos it revealed my tummy. It struck me quite hard, c'mon, I am human too right? :P And it really set me back becos I've been trying my best to trim my tum down alrdy. And honestly, these shirts were my size, I just had to reduce the flab and it'd look normal ya?

And then I realise, (I don't know if this person meant it in the way I thought, which I am gng to explain further) that at most times, the words from the people who love and care for you very much pierce your heart the most. I mean that these are the people who genuinely care and love you so much that they want to tell you the truth, even if it might hurt the other party. I know that at times, I can't bear to tell someone I really really love about his/her "wrongdoings" becos I fear that I might hurt him/her. And when I muster enough courage to do that, I'll just end up reaffirming and assuring that person that I still love him/her and I am saying all that in love. Oh well.

Past few days, I've experienced a turmoil of emotions - even with my really really dear best friend. And it hurts me very much. I learnt that hurt is inevitable. But most importantly, you have to understand that love still prevails. And even though you might have little disagreements and heated feelings, ultimately that person still loves and cares for you, no matter what. (I daresay this for really really close and best friends only)♥

And as for that friend who told me about my tight shirts tummy, I do love and care for him a whole lot. I don't know how but I've been feeling a little strange/strained around him lately, and yeah just wanna tell you that I care and I still wanna be close to you! :) Phileo brother!

Wokay, time to print notez! And zoom off to bed. See you guys in a few hours time! :)

Friday, November 06, 2009

He made flashes of lightning

A rare sight

Sheer exhaustion. It isn't so much the lack of sleep, but the series of events happening. Still trying to keep my feelings in check.

Witnessed a scenario which made my blood boil earlier on while waiting for the bus to go driving. Three guys were walking towards the bus stop I was at, two were smoking, and with each puff they took from the cigarette, they generously returned it to Mother Earth by spitting on the floor. And I am not talking about spitting phlegm. But plainly spitting! What's even more ridiculous was that they were spitting in the middle of the bus stop!!! Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do? I merely glared at them, hoping they'd get my hint, but they weren't at least bothered. It is really heartbreaking to see youngsters behaving like that in public, makes me wonder what's left of the moral values these people have. It was really disgusting :(

What to say? I am exhausted, I am tired of everything. I am tired of not being in the know. I am tired of being in between. I am tired of school (but I am starting to enjoy school becos I've got kind lecturers). I am tired of being the OLD me.

Tmr's gng to be a lifechanging day. Mark my words. No more grouchy Carissa. No more insecurities. I may become withdrawn but please don't get mad or ignore me. I may not talk to you as often as before. I may not ask you out as much but please understand, I am embarking on a new phase. I am unsure where I'm heading to, but I am going to find out who I really am.

But most of all, I do know my identity in Christ. He's never forsaken me before. "Though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" -Psalm 23:4

So I really covet all your prayers. Carissa's going thru a very hurting period now. Mend my heart. Many thanks in advance!

Jedi oopsy! yup you're right. thanks for correcting me, I must have been super absentminded at that point of time :)
B yeah! your side is winter time! I want some snow in sgp. Well, I have yet to talk to you!! maybe I'll just email you sometime later. sorry ah! :(

Show me Your ways, O LORD, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Saviour, and my hope is in You all day long.
- Psalm 25:4-5

11:55:00 PM

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Monsoon Season Ahead!

I wanna wanna climb!!

The weather's been highly unpredictable lately. It has alrdy disrupted my climbing plans, and it might just disrupt other plans I might have over the weekend. What a bummer.

Enjoying a subway oatmeal raisin cookie now. Will save the peanut butter one for later. Today's the first time I bought a sandwich from subway in school. My bcomm tutor is now droning on about how to answer job interview questions.

Zjamming later with the band. Got a feeling it's gng to turn out great :) keep up the positive thinking Carissa! :)

1:41:00 PM

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

do you think/

Whirlwind of emotions.
Things can happen so fast they grip your heart, and then you'll find out you've got difficult breathing.
One minute you're working, and the next minute, you quit and find yourself out of job. In a split second, you can end up having a crossfire with somebody. Another time, you find yourself in sticky situations where critical thinking is needed to wriggle yourself out. Or at other times, you find out that what you've been waiting for/hoping for, has all gone to waste, and you had waited in vain.

Just yesterday, I was scheduled to climb with a few friends, but eventually the rain ruined all our plans. I had rented "The Nanny Diaries" to watch in the library after my class. Those who have watched the show would know that Scarlett Johansson, who played Annie Braddock in the movie, was lifted up into the sky by a signature red umbrella a few times. She was struggling to find herself in the world. This movie shows how Annie eventually found out who she was and how she managed to handle difficult and painful situations, and she even fell in love with someone amidst everything.

Sometimes I feel like I need to be lifted up into the sky, and then I'll find myself in a totally different world altogether. I really don't know what caught me earlier on to think that way but I just felt a little like Annie. What on earth is my purpose in life? Who is Carissa Fan?

And later today, I watched another show during my break - "First Daughter". It showed how Samantha Mackenzie (the US President's daughter) played by Katie Holmes, was trying to fit in normally into college, the problems she faced with added security and everything. How she fell in love with one of her secret agents, and discovered herself, yet ruined it by misbehaving after her dad betrayed her trust. How she learned to forgive him, and stand by him through his election (believe me, her dad isn't that bad) and how everything worked out in the end. The similarity between these two movies is that both lead actresses are trying to find out who they actually are.

I always wonder how come my best isn't always enough. Tried very hard to cope with everything else alrdy, yet it doesn't work out properly. It's getting hard for me to breathe.

Prayers are coveted, please.

Jedi Sorry Jed! been extremely busy lately, still trying to adapt to school life, training and family too. bear with me a little longer, i'll blog more often next time k.
B I'll talk to you again soon. need to ask of you a few favours :(
J ok will do so, it's a bit tougher now as we're all busy with the new school term and the free ones (i.e. jem) are also busy with NS. haha I can't help it with the odd update.
YJ oh oh, meaning you cld identify our nails due to each nail pattern/colour? sorry! can't help being blur what :Z

when all else fades, my soul will dance with you, where the love lasts forever

11:51:00 PM