Sincerely Yours

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phileo all

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Dear God, you really need to take me seriously. I am struggling so badly. Sometimes I feel like I can't. Actually, most of the time I can't. I find it so tough to bring myself to love her, whilst schooling. Especially schooling. Lord, it's really pains me to face her each day in school becos I would avoid her totally. I can't bring myself to look at the face of someone who's being so hypocritical, someone who strives her best at everything but fails to see how many people's hurt in the process. I know I should be seeing her in a different p.o.v. but it is really tough. I cannot understand how J did it. I need to look through the eyes of J.C., I need to stop passing judgments at the people I don't like. Monday was cool, though we were in the same place, she didn't acknowledge me, and I didn't make an effort to too, this arrangement was fine by me. It was okay that she could take the guy and I could take nothing. Lord J, I am really okay being alone in classes and all. But today, it was different altogether. You saw me Lord, you saw how I took a seat in class alone and how I turned behind to talk to my friend. But why oh why, would she cut into my conversation with my friend? I didn't need HER to answer me. I was merely talking to my friend! How could she cut in like that when she knew that I wasn't looking for her answer! And then I did the unbelievable. I ignored her totally. Focusing on my friend I just talked to her as if SHE didn't exist. And throughout the entire time before lecture, she was yakking away as if she was the queen, which permitted her to speak absolutely anything and everything. G, I can't help being bitter with her. I am indeed very very unhappy! This is not good at all, this whole thing brought out the unpleasant side of me. And you do know I don't like that. I am sinking in this and I don't want to hold it any longer. My only consolation is that I get to meet the people I love around school, during lunch breaks and all. Other than that I really loathe coming to school. But G, above all, teach me how to love like Jesus. Seriously, so help me Lord. Amen.