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Sincerely Yours
F, Carissa-A.11th July 1990 Anglican Ngee Ann Polytechnic Zontanos WL/Vocalist lovely baabaahead(s) :D
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Papa God's Unconditional Love!Why I don't like Disunity! 7 Signs of a Desirable Friend since 110707 :) 
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Saturday, July 21, 2007 goodbye happy-easy life oh well i feel way better now after my bath, but then again i still wanna blog out all my frustrations and unhappiness. and i dont even know where to start. these days i`ve been rly weird, when i say weird, its rly weird. i`m not sure why i`m so weird these days, but i dont want to be, and i cant help being not-myself, so now i`m like plugged on hillsong united, which sorta calms me down abit. well, tmr is 4A`s bbq, i havent seen these group of people in ages ): i rly miss them alot. but thing is, the bbq`s like a last minute thing, and whats worse is i wasnt aware of it. i chanced upon it through joan`s blog. and then again, i had to tag her asking whats it about. hmm, i dont know why la, i`ve been drifting away from my 4A friends. i`m like, totally not close to my secondary school beloved friends alr, and it rly makes me wanna cry when i come to think of it. and so the bbq is tmr, but i wont be able to make it, cos i need to do project discussion. they didnt tell me earlier ): looking back on so many years, i realise i`ve rly changed alot. i wouldnt say that i`m proud of the change, but i reckon it might have some good in it. hmm, i think you all shdnt mind my emo-ness. cos like i said, i`m not feeling so well/myself. a very close friend told me: you`re no longer the cheerful girl i`ve known. and when i asked what has become of me, i got this reply: sad.. down.. negative.. hmm, that bad eh?! yeah i admit i havent been my cheery self these days, but its not my fault, i think the environment ard me play an impt part too. in primary school, i was happy-go-lucky, literally had no worries or stress from not being able to meet project deadlines at all. enter secondary school, first two years was pretty much a slacky time for me, didnt perform my best, had the i-dont-really-care attitude. enter upper secondary, circumstances, people, changed and moulded me a little into what i am now. i was put in the best class in my sec school, so obviously the people in the class were a bit more disciplined and not so playful as my lower sec class. no my lower sec classmates, i dont fault you or dont like you, in fact, one of my best years was in lower secondary! and upper sec, problems started piling, friendships, etc etc, i had very bad experiences, learnt not to be so outspoken alr. i was not like that before. i`ve shrunk more into my shell in upper sec ): hmm, but its okay. and now i dont keep in contact w mpss friends ): which is very very saddening for me ): cos i rly enjoyed my secondary school life. oh well. enter tertiary education in np. whoaaa projects and work start piling up super duper fast, and whats worse is i`m in a very competitive course ): i have toyed w the idea of switching course many times alr, but i dont think i`m gona change course. my class are filled w great and motivating people. i really love them alot and i rly hope that we all can still be in the same class in the next semester. but the whoaification part are the projects! they`re like, totally hardxcore la! and its like, many many projects at one go, i`m nnot kidding, and it doesnt help that i`m not the kind who can finish their projects very quickly -.- but i really have to thank God, He`s been guiding me thru tough times, and now i have one project left. im very disappointed in myself. i`ve missed quiet time for two days alr. and the reason: i`m very very tired. and i`ve been sleeping early on these two days too -.- i really dont know whats happening to me, my endurance is deteriorating. i cant sleep so late alr, which means i have lesser time to do my work alr. my parents have expressed concern for my health, they know i`m falling sick. they`re rly worried that i`m overworking myself. but i really have to thank God that i`m still surviving. i trust that He will pull me through this tough and emo time that i`m facing now. i need stronger faith. i`ve been feeling really emo without knowing the reason of it. and that is a very baaabaahead thing. i`ve been wanting to blog about deep vein thrombosis. my mum`s been stressing this to me, i havent got time to properly research into it and blog ): so the draft for deepvein thrombosis is like, still empty, i saved a draft for deepvein thrombosis so that i can remind myself to blog about it. but apparently thats like close to a month away alr -.- and the post is still un-updated. mummy says she doesnt want to lose me through deep-vein-thrombosis. my uncle`s condition is still not good. i havent got time to visit him lately. but i still continue to keep him in prayer, point com, please continue to pray for him! to my friend: dear girl, whats wrong. i dont like the way it is now. i dont know what to say to you anymore. you`re reluctant to tell me stuff alr. i dont know why but i feel that you`ve changed. why do you behave this way? its weird. i prefer the old you. you dont need to behave that way to seek attention to yourself. i see my old self (lower sec) in you now. and i dont like it, i`m so over that stage alr, and you`re seventeen, i was fourteen then, maybe you wldnt know, since you were from a girls school. but thats not the way i wld recommend you to get attention. its just so wrong and unlike you. i miss the old you. i cant wait to talk to you like last time. sometimes you talk to me, and i feel that you`re your old self. and the next minute you`re that new girl again. i`m confused, i cannot read you anymore. i care for you. but you dont seem to be bothered. so i really dont know what to do. people around us keep asking me whats wrong. i do not know how to answer them, maybe i`m just being paranoid, but i do feel that you`ve changed. i dont like this change in you! ): i mean, yes you might have your setbacks. but no, you dont have to be so wild to get over your bad times. hmmmmm grrrrahhhhhh. okay ignore me, i`m really getting personal and sad all over again ): i need that old self to come back. the "cheerful and positive girl" as what my good friend puts it. i shd not wallow in self-pity i dont think i am though. aller carissa! okay i cant think of anymore stuff i`m unhappy about alr. i guess just typing these out alr calms me down. i`m unknowingly frowning, not good ): okay, today`s a pretty good day, except for the super emo part, i passed sports climbing level one! sue ann (our instructor) said my belaying was good :D hehehe i`m so happy! and thats cos, i met two beloved in sp. first was doreen, whom i saw walking towards the canteen when i was just leaving after lunch. she asked if i was going for bbq tmr, but i told her i wasnt sure. second is!!!!! MY GIRLFRIEND SAMUELLLLL :D i know he`s in sp la. but i totally didnt expect to meet him la! its like, i was wearing my harnass, and walking from the bouldering gym to the higher wall outside, so i was walking at the walkway outside the hall and was talking to sheila. and someone walked past me and tapped me, that person was in the opposite direction from me la, i felt rly retarded cos i was wearing zai pants and attire and the harnass -.- and the little kids in the hall were staring. and so when that person tapped me i was like, what now -.- then i turned and saw SAMUEL! :D and then he was walking away alr. i totally left sheila and ran after sam, and ignored the bewildered stares from the people outside the hall. i was super elated to see samuel la! hahhaa wheeee :D yepp i`m in a better mood now :D hmm, lets see. i climbed sp`s high wall too! feeling very accomplished w myself. i shall improve my climbing! my first attempt was tiring but quite fast. the wall was the easiest. then i went on the second wall almost immediately. and that was harder, i didnt managed to get halfway through was i was stuck at some baabaahead part -.- and then when i rested for abt 45 minutes and climbed the wall again, i finished it! :D so happy! but very very stressed cos i was the only one climbing, and the people below were aller-ing me and telling me where to step. but thank you guys :D you`re the greatest! carissa hates wearing ____ when shes wearing the harnass. it makes her feel very weird and baabaahead! but overall climbing level one was good. theory was good too. instructor was good :D i`m now a certified level-oner. sheila juer bobo and sherpes left sp early to climb at climb asia. for a more interesting read, read sheila`s blog about my climb and level one. wednesday was bca presentation. presentation itself was very good. but the qns she asked, we cldnt rly answer confidently and correctly ): was an emo day too. watched click on esme, the story made me wanna cry. had hardxcore pt. yide fish didnt come -.- and i didnt run campus run that day, cos my body was not feeling too well -.- hymph! thursday was normal, stayed back a while to discuss bmgt. went homeeee. friday went to school early to finish up iac project. presentation was lousyyyyyyyy! ): went for cell. terence bus-sed w me, and treated me mcflurry :D cell :D then planned a last minute surprise birthday celebration for rena :D she came home, but Ps ben and rena kinda suspected alr. parents came to pick me, last piece of cake was given to mummy. and today`s saturday. i feel kinda sad cos i was missing jamming and youth service ): argh and i was supposed to be on back up today! so in the end i switched w jem, thank you jem, for letting me switch w you last minute! :D soooooo my back up dates are: 28 july next week: with ernest! 11 aug: with gwong! 18 aug: with glow! 25 aug: with ernest! whee i`m happy again :D my blog rly destresser xiaaaaa! TAG REPLIES- ernest; nope steph doesnt have a blog ): i asked her before alr. maybe we shd ask her to get one :D sharol; hahha yeah shes goes very fast and her voice abit monotonous ): dont worry! thanks for photos :D :D sheila; hahhahaha its okay! :D ALLER CARISSA! william; william more baabaahead than me! terence; what kukuhead! no such thing okay! and i`m not thanking you for calling me that -.- janice; bleep bleep boogle bing flooooom smishhhh :D hahahha jano! lead me to the cross; 10:41:00 PM
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